退到了绝境再退,破碎到不能破碎
那么为什么,你就不肯说,我只能再一却都错
泪水灌溉这伤悲,绝望是你赐给的安慰
为何你说慌,我却受惩罚
你不如就用到此想
我可以痛了再痛,你可以错了再错
不甘心,不闪躲,只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火,你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

♥
hello dead blog. you better be less interesting if not i sense some serious hate. you better not speak so loud, have big actions and attract stupid attention. because some people hate you. yeah, i'm talking about me. really. what i said really matched me. i bet some of you hate my ways of fun. fine then, get back to when everything was a lovely silence. i'd change, because of what was said.

i feel so weird all over, sometimes i really wanna go away, faraway and never come back, to see all your faces. Its like okay, not all emotional and dragging feelings, but really, When you look at my life from a certain angle, you suddenly feel like there's no more beheld importance of it, and why live it to my fullest? :/ weird? dont drone on about me being a real pessimist or whatever, but won't you just pause and think, tell me, is my life by itself STRAIGHT? meaningful? bright? no. i mean, obviously i dont know what life's going to bring me at the end of half a century, but somehow, i can't seem to give a damn anymore.

damned,
sometimes, helping never seems to be appreciate. your lending hand never seems to get you anywhere. it derives complains for which, you are to comply, if not people may just regard you as some asshole or self-centered biatch. but hey, i'm not born to help, remind, sacrifice, and lay in misery. i mean, if i could, by all means, i would. like what i'm doing now, for some. but thing is, i dont get appreciated, it gets me nowhere. i'm doing things out of my personal limit and where does it all end up? in the trash? wowX2 :D i've to put up with your tantrums, i've to help in all ways i can, and i have to shut up and just let everything go. ohboy, that just hurts like hell. so why dont you guys just understand?! can't you? i mean, i haven't let everything go yet, but one day i should, like really, let go. pretend i dont know you all. if it ends up this way by 2009 when _____ splits up, then i'm glad to tell you to just well, pretend you dont know me.

dont freak out. but ________s, i'd just remind you so you won't forgo one thing in thought. that is, _____ ain't that bonded afterall(: "aww, thats so unshocking. i mildly forgotten." okay, maybe i'm the only stupid fool who thought that we're now like a family already. like wow. yeah, you mates can go on being who you are. you all have no problem, no problem at all. problems all lie with yours truly, so just morph me and change me enough to become who you guys want me to be. cos apparently, sarah is afraid of people tantrum, so i shall just use this advantage, bcos, sarah won't get angry. its like, i've heard that a thousand times. "have you seen sarah really angry?" well, "oh no, i haven't. the longest she could be angry with a particular thing or person is for 1 day(: you can just be angry because of her anger, and she'd say sorry. or you could just ignore and pretend she's non-existense, then she'd say sorry cos she believes in her OWN existence. or jolly well just be nice to her abit, and everything's okay." alright people, so i wont get angry huh. so i wont just paint myself in navy for all the pathetic emotions that flow through me yeah? fine, whatever ways you want it.

at times, i really love ....
choir :D like my choir mates. i think they're the best. like maybe, well, we've paved a certain path for all of us with the same passion to walk down. we're not frigs just dumped together into some chute, but we're the same in passion. i mean, 2___ ain't like this at all, other than that we're all homosapiens dumped tgt :x in choir its like, we just gossip and talk so freely, i mean, we really, okay, there's no black and gaps within us okay. we're kinda frank with each other, and tadah, we make a great team. how about my friends and mates in _____? damned it all.

seriously i can't wait for this yr to end. i can't wait to say bye to everyone in _____. wish them luck in their future footsteps, and forget everything. how i wish there was a kinda pill. the place, with all those people where i can't have free say in. because everything i say gets defended. leaving _____ is definitely for my good.i want to go vienna, cos by then, its the end of 2008, and i can say bye to everyone in ______ (: ain't that great ... if only, time could just fly by.



actually, its a simple truth, its just like that ..
like i dont get my say enough, everything i say meant abuse, everything i say was to be taken back, everything i say must company anguish and apology. fine, i shut up. i step back. i won't care anymore. strip me off my title, strip the life off me, make me like a souless wonder would you all?

its pathetic i have to say,
because in ______, i get nowhere near where i want to be in life.

but i have to thank _____, because without its value, its existense as an system of just associates, i wont be who i am today, i wont get flamed, i wont be so strong in character, i wont know what's true hatred, and i won't know hypocrisy.
however, without _______, i know whats bffs, without it, i dont think i do, anymore.